01 November 2011 @ 03:11 pm

For about three weeks now, my little sister's friend has been staying at our house. Bridgette is a nice girl but I am getting a little frustrated with her being here. I can't roam around the house casually. I have to have my hair been in some kind of order (short hair = bed head errrywhurrr if you lay down only for a while) and I can't go bra-less. :c It's comfier, okay?

Mainly, however, I don't think it's good at all for her to be using our house as a crutch. Bridgette is just annoyed with her mom. That's it. So she stays here. She's going to have to go back sometime. She shouldn't expect us to babysit her. It doesn't help anyone and she doesn't step up to the plate to confront her mom. That's pretty immature imo. I know a lot of people have legitimate reasons for leaving their parents/family because they're batshit, but all Bridgette has to say is "she's ruining my liiiife-uh!" /a la Freaky Friday. That kind of thing. She and her mother are just exasperated with each other.

Just a teenage "MY PARENTS ARE DUMB" thing. :/ She needs to go home, already.

But most importantly:

Aside from all of that, I'm doing better now. Still super tired because, despite having stayed up for over 24 hours, I could not fall asleep. Go figure! I don't have school tomorrow so I'll make sure to catch up on a looooootttttt of sleep. I only have Spanish class now, so studying should be no problem. But it does help that I am a quick learner and don't have to stress about it!

I think I'll go to the new Game Shack's Brawl Thursdays this (obviously) Thursday. It's about from 5-8 PM. I went to the tournament on Saturday and I enjoyed the guys there. They were very kind and respectful (and some were extremely cute! c:). I didn't do so hot at the tournament because I was a nervous wreck.

And, between you all and me... I made myself lose. I didn't tell anyone else, but my body wasn't feeling altogether that day. I was worried about having an episode (they're not caused by video games, I was feeling weird beforehand), so I played like I sucked at the game as I felt weirder and weirder and jittery. It was very uncomfortable and scary. I just wanted to leave but that would be awkward, so I "lost". I got 17th place out of 25, lmao. I'm feeling a lot better this week so, like I said, I'll give Brawl Thursday a shot if my mom will take me. She said it was fine, but I don't know if she really meant it.

Mom said that when she was in a SUPER apologetic mood because, that same Saturday, she went off on a huge tangent. She said I shouldn't be scared or worried about my epilepsy at all because it's my own fault for having it and that SHE is 100000 X more entitled to be upset and angry about it than I am. She said that I was ruining her life, making it hell, and putting her on a super short leash because it's my fault for being epileptic. And she brutally ripped into and bashed the things I like, by name. I always hate when she does that because it feels more direct, you know? I kind of wish I never talked to her about Zelda, Vocaloid, etc. Link, Rin, Len, and so on. She makes them direct targets and it really upsets me. She said I needed to abandon all of the things I like because they're fake and stupid and imaginary. I don't think so at all and I won't, but that still really hurts. She said my drawings are crap, too.

Like, those "fake and stupid" characters and series quite literally kept me alive when I was super suicidal, that time being caused by her because of all the shit she would pull and all the horrible abuse she wrought. Her actions blinded me from the good things in life and who all cared for me and who would miss me. But what was a huge reason for me to stick around was that I wanted to keep enjoying the things I liked, wanted to finish series and enjoy the fandom, wanted to keep loving the characters and creating things and enjoying others' creations. I don't know why she's so surprised that I retreated into this "imaginary" world. It's always been here for me and never hurt me, unlike her. Fandom has made my life so, so good. I regret nothing.

By the way, mom, real people make all this stuff. With that, these things develop a real life of their own, I think.

She went on to say a whoooooollllllllle lot of shit about me, almost each word sandwiched by a variant of "fuck." I just sat there and kept my cool but it was still super uncomfortable. But what was most uncomfortable was later when she acted all like, "I know I just shattered your soul many times and broke you to little bitty pieces and stepped on them repeatedly, but we're still cool, right?" Uhhhh. No. No, we're not cool. Apologize.

She wouldn't. Everything is still my fault.

WELL, whatever. I have video games to play, friends to chat with, and silly things to draw. I'm not going to dwell on her batshit-ery. It's not worth it.

Current Mood: sleepy
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