01 November 2011 @ 03:11 pm

For about three weeks now, my little sister's friend has been staying at our house. Bridgette is a nice girl but I am getting a little frustrated with her being here. I can't roam around the house casually. I have to have my hair been in some kind of order (short hair = bed head errrywhurrr if you lay down only for a while) and I can't go bra-less. :c It's comfier, okay?

Mainly, however, I don't think it's good at all for her to be using our house as a crutch. Bridgette is just annoyed with her mom. That's it. So she stays here. She's going to have to go back sometime. She shouldn't expect us to babysit her. It doesn't help anyone and she doesn't step up to the plate to confront her mom. That's pretty immature imo. I know a lot of people have legitimate reasons for leaving their parents/family because they're batshit, but all Bridgette has to say is "she's ruining my liiiife-uh!" /a la Freaky Friday. That kind of thing. She and her mother are just exasperated with each other.

Just a teenage "MY PARENTS ARE DUMB" thing. :/ She needs to go home, already.

But most importantly:

Aside from all of that, I'm doing better now. Still super tired because, despite having stayed up for over 24 hours, I could not fall asleep. Go figure! I don't have school tomorrow so I'll make sure to catch up on a looooootttttt of sleep. I only have Spanish class now, so studying should be no problem. But it does help that I am a quick learner and don't have to stress about it!

I think I'll go to the new Game Shack's Brawl Thursdays this (obviously) Thursday. It's about from 5-8 PM. I went to the tournament on Saturday and I enjoyed the guys there. They were very kind and respectful (and some were extremely cute! c:). I didn't do so hot at the tournament because I was a nervous wreck.

And, between you all and me... I made myself lose. I didn't tell anyone else, but my body wasn't feeling altogether that day. I was worried about having an episode (they're not caused by video games, I was feeling weird beforehand), so I played like I sucked at the game as I felt weirder and weirder and jittery. It was very uncomfortable and scary. I just wanted to leave but that would be awkward, so I "lost". I got 17th place out of 25, lmao. I'm feeling a lot better this week so, like I said, I'll give Brawl Thursday a shot if my mom will take me. She said it was fine, but I don't know if she really meant it.

Mom said that when she was in a SUPER apologetic mood because, that same Saturday, she went off on a huge tangent. She said I shouldn't be scared or worried about my epilepsy at all because it's my own fault for having it and that SHE is 100000 X more entitled to be upset and angry about it than I am. She said that I was ruining her life, making it hell, and putting her on a super short leash because it's my fault for being epileptic. And she brutally ripped into and bashed the things I like, by name. I always hate when she does that because it feels more direct, you know? I kind of wish I never talked to her about Zelda, Vocaloid, etc. Link, Rin, Len, and so on. She makes them direct targets and it really upsets me. She said I needed to abandon all of the things I like because they're fake and stupid and imaginary. I don't think so at all and I won't, but that still really hurts. She said my drawings are crap, too.

Like, those "fake and stupid" characters and series quite literally kept me alive when I was super suicidal, that time being caused by her because of all the shit she would pull and all the horrible abuse she wrought. Her actions blinded me from the good things in life and who all cared for me and who would miss me. But what was a huge reason for me to stick around was that I wanted to keep enjoying the things I liked, wanted to finish series and enjoy the fandom, wanted to keep loving the characters and creating things and enjoying others' creations. I don't know why she's so surprised that I retreated into this "imaginary" world. It's always been here for me and never hurt me, unlike her. Fandom has made my life so, so good. I regret nothing.

By the way, mom, real people make all this stuff. With that, these things develop a real life of their own, I think.

She went on to say a whoooooollllllllle lot of shit about me, almost each word sandwiched by a variant of "fuck." I just sat there and kept my cool but it was still super uncomfortable. But what was most uncomfortable was later when she acted all like, "I know I just shattered your soul many times and broke you to little bitty pieces and stepped on them repeatedly, but we're still cool, right?" Uhhhh. No. No, we're not cool. Apologize.

She wouldn't. Everything is still my fault.

WELL, whatever. I have video games to play, friends to chat with, and silly things to draw. I'm not going to dwell on her batshit-ery. It's not worth it.

Current Mood: sleepy
( Post a new comment )
[identity profile] master.livejournal.com on November 1st, 2011 11:30 pm (UTC)
haha i thought i was the only one in the world who goes braless around the house. every time i tell my friends i go top-commando they're like WHAAAAT.

sigh childrens. sigh parents. but no i agree about the fandom/characters thing for sure, since i am the same as you in this case. a lot of people don't understand how it can really save a person from going crazy or doing bad things to themselves. it's unfortunate that most of the time they only see it as ~cartoons~ and that can't possibly be anything important or have absolutely any significance to someone's life!!
[identity profile] sairei.livejournal.com on November 1st, 2011 11:46 pm (UTC)
You mean people don't go braless at home? I had no idea. I thought it was normal. Or maybe they're the weird ones.

It's frustrating! Ah, well. So long as we know how important those things are to us, that is all what truly matters. (Although I do wish people wouldn't immediately put it down. :/)
[identity profile] itasuke1992.livejournal.com on November 3rd, 2011 04:21 am (UTC)
Psh I go braless all the time at home. I mean I don't see much of anybody at home anyway. Besides what's the point in wearing one at home? People are dumb!

But as for you having to do things for your sister's friend Jujube, I say just do what you wanna do. It's your freaking house and you shouldn't have to go through all the trouble who's not even your friend.

And I can totally relate to your mom I completely understand. My mom was the same way, note the manga bonfire my mom lit right in front of me when I was younger. But my fandom wasn't enough to stop me from trying to kill myself. Thank God yours was. I'd be one sad girl if you did!! I LOVE YOU JULIE!!
[identity profile] sairei.livejournal.com on November 3rd, 2011 04:25 am (UTC)
I love you, too!!

Yeah, I'm a fandom addict. ;; Currently: "But I want to see Vocaloids in concert! I want to continue my collection! I want to see their programs be updated! I want to play the new Zelda game! I want to see if Majora's Mask and Wind Waker get reboots on the 3DS! I want to play the new Brawl WiiU and 3DS! I want to play more Pokemon games! I want to see R/S/E be remade! I want to finish reading many manga that I'm reading!"

ETC ETC ETC. It was mostly for FMA during middle school up until the series ended last summer.
[identity profile] itasuke1992.livejournal.com on November 3rd, 2011 05:50 am (UTC)
I'm right there with you sista!! I want to do all of that too! It's going to be great we're never going to grow up and I'm perfectly ok with that. We are so awesome and our parents just don't understand that. I mean the Nendoroid Rin plush that I originally got for you came yesterday and the label on the bag said what it was in Chinese so of course my dad saw it.

Dad:"Why did you order that? And all the way from china? You have so many dolls."
Me:"Because they're cute and I can't find them here."
Dad:"How old are you?"
Me:"I'm 19, going to be 20 soon."
He smiled and said "Alright well as long as you know." lolol

Well when I was younger I was obsessed with Sailor Moon, Cardcaptor Sakura, and Dragonball Z. But as I got older I liked a few other animes but in middle school my big brother introduced me to Naruto and I was hooked. At 15 I found FMA in my brother's drawer and watched the first episode. I was freaked out by the result of their first transmutation so I turned it off and didn't watch it for awhile. But then I decided to give it a chance and I'm glad I did because FMA is by far one of if not the best anime ever!! :DD
[identity profile] sairei.livejournal.com on November 3rd, 2011 12:52 pm (UTC)
Aw haha. My parents don't seem to mind.

lmao I was ten, except I had a different reaction to:
"Let's transmute mom back to life?"
"Are you sure we should be doing th--"
"Yeah it's totally safe!"
"... Well, fuck."

It was then I decided, "I have to watch what happens."

Me too, about CCS and SM! I also liked Hamtaro, Pokemon, and Yugioh (lol). And Inu Yasha during 5th grade. Glad I got over that.
[identity profile] itasuke1992.livejournal.com on November 3rd, 2011 02:30 pm (UTC)
Ha ha well y parents don't mind because it is my own money! They have no right to complain!

God that scene freaked me out! I mean it doesn't bother me now, but it's kind of disturbing. I don't know how you watched it as a 5th grader. Oh that's right I was totally into to Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh too! Never really got into Inu yasha though, and I don't think I ever will.
[identity profile] sairei.livejournal.com on November 3rd, 2011 02:33 pm (UTC)
Mom respects my collection and wants to help out with it some days and others she does what she did on Saturday. idgi

I was a disturbed 5th grader...

Don't. Complete waste of time. Incredibly stupid. My ex-best friend got me into it. Soooo glad I got over liking it in less than two years.
[identity profile] itasuke1992.livejournal.com on November 3rd, 2011 09:41 pm (UTC)
Ah I see well I understand. unfortunately it's what we get for having bi-polar mothers my friend! *sigh* But hey don't worry we can help each other with our collections! You'll be helping me more than I help you but I will definitely do my very best! :DD

Don't worry! I'm sure you weren't very disturbed. When I was younger I would watch "The Nightmare Before Christmas" and "Goosebumps" movies all the freaking time! I had all of those Goosebumps books and would hang little skeletons and ghosts all over the house. My grandma would follow me around saying "God bless you! God bless you!!" over and over again. To my family you would have been considered normal. lolol

Alright I won't, I have a few friends who like it, and I do know of the story and characters because of adult swim but it just never really caught my interest.
[identity profile] sairei.livejournal.com on November 3rd, 2011 10:28 pm (UTC)
Ok, seriously. Why are we so the same? I watched/read Goosebumps ALL the time (the one with the chick and the Halloween mask that wouldn't come off is so scary omg) and I watched TNBC when I was three, which probably explains why I can repeat the the lyrics to all the songs flawlessly despite not having watched it in years. INGRAINED, MAN.
[identity profile] itasuke1992.livejournal.com on November 4th, 2011 08:49 pm (UTC)
WOAH really?! No way! We are so identical!! It's crazy!! lol Yeah the story of that girl with the haunted mas scared the crap out of me too. Every Halloween after that. "Hey Bianca you wanna try on this ma-" "NO!!! HELL NO!! GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!!!" lol but I never watched TNBC growing up. That is very interesting though. :)
[identity profile] sairei.livejournal.com on November 4th, 2011 08:51 pm (UTC)
My mom started it haha. At first she and her friend at the time, Milena, were like, "I think Julie and Chris would like this, it looks like... wait what." But mom ended up loving it after the initial weirdness shock and I think she's the most passionate about it between the two of us.
[identity profile] itasuke1992.livejournal.com on November 4th, 2011 08:55 pm (UTC)
Well that's really great. My mom thought there was something wrong with me. Among many other things, but who can blame her? Our culture has a lot of superstitions about stuff like that. But do I care?! NO!! :P